Lupus

I have been sick for over a year. Unexplained exhaustion, pain in shoulders, back and knees. It literally hurts to take a deep breath. Now I'm having issues with my kidneys. I can NOT tolerate heat at all. I have small grandbabies and I can't attend any of their sporting events because the heat is literally unbearable. I have bruises, skin lesions on my arms and legs so embarrassing. The brain fog is so, so bad. I've dealt with nausea for over a year. Its not consistent. My doctors have run ever blood test you can think of. I can't work have very little income. I do have Maretplace insurance but it's a nightmare with the referrals. I waited 4 months to get an appointment with a Rheumatologist. I called the Rheumatologist regularly to see if I could be fit in earlier with no success. Then when I got to appointment JULY 9, 2025, they informed my they dont except my insurance??!?They take Aetna but not the HMO! They expect you to call, research what doctors take your insurance. With the brain fog somedays I don't know if I'm coming or going. I'm so, so depressed I don't know how to get help and I'm so tired from the pain. I've tried to file for disability, I was denied but it is being appealed. I'm just at my wits end. I'm extremely depressed because it doesn't seem like there's a solution anytime soon. I get aggravated so easy so it's no fun for the grandbabies to be around me. I have NEVER been like that I am the type I would get in the floor to play with them or do crafts, take them to the park when I could. Basically, I feel isolated which doesn't help with the depression. I don't have the funds since I'm not working to go anywhere when I have those very few "good days". I'm physically and mentally exhausted. My children are grown and have careers and their on families. I’ve always been very active and self sufficient. Im only 59 I feel so alone and there just doesnt seem to be an end insight. My insurance is so slow I don't even have an eta of a Rheumatologist appointment. The pain is unbearable. I’ve went to the ER several times but they don't do anything because they want me to see Rheumatologist. My primary doctor doesn't want to prescribe pain medication I guess because it's so addictive. They've tried to get me into pain management but thats taking just as long. I don't know what to do anymore. Will this ever end? I don't want to live like this but I don't know what to do or how to get help. I'm under extreme stress other than my children and grandchildren I don't have any other family. I lost my brother in 2017 and my mother in 2021. After my mom passed I was told some devastating news that pertained to my childhood. I do not know who my father is and I understand at this point what does it matter but it's a heart wrenching because my mom isn't here to clarify what I was told about my father. I'm lost and don't who to turn to. Its like I take a step forward and 3 steps back. Im so emotional and cry at the drop of a hat so I'm no fun to be around. Is there an end in sight? Will I ever get through this? There are so many days I just don't want to be here anymore. Its hard to explain to anyone that hasn't experienced it. I just don't know if it's ever going to get better? I don't have any type of support system and I feel like I'm losing my mind. Is there any advice anyone can offer? I appreciate your time.