How Are You So Positive?

One question that I get asked a lot is how am I so positive after everything that I have been through. Especially when I meet people for the first time. They are sort of stunned at my attitude and how I just exude positivity and am so happy. After all the trial and error with medications trying to keep my lupus in check, all the side effects including gaining 20 pounds and then getting diagnosed with Sjogren’s syndrome and non-Hodgkin's lymphoma, I still manage to show up with a smile on my face. But it wasn't always like that.

Did I lose my old self?

After my lupus diagnosis I was filled with so much emotion: denial, sadness, anger, doubt, despair. I wanted a diagnosis with a cure. I wanted to be healthy again. I didn’t want to be sick forever. I had no idea what lupus was at the time and I didn't know how it was going to affect my future. All the what ifs filled my mind and I didn't know if I was ever going to be happy and feel like my old self again.

Getting diagnosed with lupus changed my life in more ways than I can count. I was 27 when I got diagnosed and at that time I felt like I was just starting to live life. Had a great job and started dating a really nice guy. I was on cloud nine but my lupus diagnosis made my world come to a screeching halt.

Learning to accept lupus

But over time I was finally coming to terms with my new normal. I stopped dwelling on things that I could not change and stopped worrying about the what ifs. I realized by doing that I was doing a disservice to myself and was not allowing myself to enjoy my present. My lupus diagnosis was going to be here with me forever and I could accept it and learn to live with it or fight it and be miserable.

I chose to accept it. I told myself that I was not going to let my lupus define me. Lupus would just be another characteristic like I had brown hair and brown eyes. But I was so much more. I didn’t want my diagnosis to control every aspect of my life. I didn’t choose this diagnosis but I can choose how I am going to move forward. I told myself I was not going to let my lupus stop me from being happy again.

Growing older is a privilege

I also tried to put things in perspective and soon began to feel grateful that yes, even with all these health issues I get to wake up every day and make new memories with loved ones. I am able to tell them how much I love them. I still get to explore and cross things off of my bucket lists.

Getting to grow old is a privilege and many people tend to forget that. I definitely do not want to take that for granted and will be forever grateful every day that I wake up.

Chronic illness grief

Obviously, I am not happy and positive 100% of the time. Life is filled with ups and down and I have my moments where I cry, feel anger and despair. But, I usually am able to bounce back from that. The chronic illness grief and just life in general is one huge rollercoaster. So yes, living with a chronic illness is hard. But I am choosing to be happy and positive. It’s easier said than done. But, we all have one life to live and I want to do it being happy while spreading kindness and positivity.

How do you stay positive despite your lupus diagnosis?