The Dating Pool With Lupus

Let's get into the dating pool with lupus. My friends and family have a whirlwind in the pool of men to choose from. In my experience, some aren’t ready or capable of dealing with a partner with an autoimmune disease. Sometimes they could be with someone in every other way, but the fact that their illness is there can become too much to be a spouse.

Take time to figure out what you want in a partner, because we all want someone to snuggle, but we have to make sure we are choosing properly. If you come across someone who is ready to mingle and is very understanding of your condition that’s a plus. This person usually has someone in their family who has a illness, disability, or autoimmune disease.

Finding a partner with lupus

Set your standards

You are not tied down to settling. Just because you have an autoimmune disease, don’t let that deter you from setting your standards and boundaries. It's okay for someone to not be for you as a partner.

Your needs matter

Place your wants and needs first. Of course sometimes having a autoimmune disease we tend to let down our guard. We tend to not take care of ourselves because we end up putting our time into keeping our significant other. Please do not lose yourself.

Dating tools

Dating apps, Facebook, TikTok, Instagram are all free internet dating tools and apps. I found my husband on Facebook and we have been together for 11 years. Not saying this would be a success for everyone but there is hope.

Support in your relationship

Being supported in everything you go through is a must. If you want to advocate for your condition, they should be able to be open. If you want to do a certain treatment, you need to make sure they would be there every step of the way without any animosity.

Support from whoever you are dating with families is a must as well. Sometimes family can be toxic to a relationship. The partner's family might not want their family member to be "holding their life back" because their significant other is constantly sick. I experienced it, and it made me even more sick.

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Be upfront about the past and what could be the future, so they cannot say that they didn’t know about the situation.

Ask yourself

  • Do I see a future with this person?
  • Do I see having children with this person? Because that is another ballgame within itself dealing with lupus and your body.
  • Will I continue to love and like this person after he or she has made me mad?
  • What do we have in common?
  • What are the red flags?
  • Can you see this person in your corner?

Red flags

You are going to come across some people where you will see the red flags and run the other way. If you don’t see the red flags, it is just a lesson to learn so the next go-around you will be better. Be focused on loving yourself and the rest will follow. What is attractive is confidence and standing your ground on your love goals while living with lupus.

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