Peace Comes with Boundaries

Do you have problems saying no? Does setting boundaries for yourself and others create stress that creates flares? Sometimes, we can all get caught up in taking on more than we can handle. Being stressed, overworked through pain can cause interruptions in our lupus journey.

You may have answered yes to one or both of the questions above. With that, you may be suffering with a new disease called, "lack of setting boundaries." It’s a condition that comes with life and with dealing with a chronic illness like lupus.

What are boundaries?

The dictionary defines boundaries as a line that marks the limit of an area. In life and interpersonally, boundaries define what is acceptable or tolerable in your moments. When we choose to establish healthy boundaries in our lives, we become active participants in our living well beyond lupus. Essentially, Boundaries can operate as a filter to keep those who are good for you in your presence and remove those that harm your spirit as you battle lupus.

Why set boundaries in your life?

Setting boundaries can be a struggle. Some struggles with setting boundaries may look like not being able to say no or setting boundaries without feeling like you are being mean.

It can be so difficult to set boundaries when you are trying to prove to yourself, or others, that you can still do all that you used to do prior to diagnosis. But boundaries are an important part of keeping yourself healthy in spite of lupus.

Setting boundaries can increase your lupus esteem and create better communication with others about lupus. Healthy boundaries can also reduce conflict surrounding how you live with lupus and resentment about having lupus. All in all, setting boundaries is so important in setting the tone for how people treat you as you battle lupus.

How to positively set boundaries

Boundaries come from your value system. When you set boundaries, they come from how you were raised, what you hold as value, your culture, and a host of other things that shape who you are. Taking some time to evaluate your values, what you are willing to fight for or what you are willing to preserve or let go, is important. Once you do this, you can then recognize what your boundaries need to be.

There are several ways to begin setting healthy boundaries in your lupus life. First, tune into your feelings. Ask yourself what feels right and healthy for you. Secondly, Set your limits. You can only set good boundaries if you know what your limits are. Thirdly, be direct. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Lastly, make your self-care the priority. Putting yourself first is most important in your lupus fight. Don’t be afraid to set the limits that help you be the best you beyond lupus.

Finally, remember boundaries are all about honing in on your feelings and honoring them in your life. Setting boundaries takes a lot of bravery, practice, and patience to achieve. Don’t be afraid to take your time and learn what the best boundaries are for you and always remember, peace comes with boundaries.

What type of boundaries are hard for you to set? Let me know in the comments.