Spousal Support and Lupus
Last updated: March 2022
Imagine being with someone that loves you for you and not for what you could do for them. Someone that loves you through thick and thin no matter what you go through. I experienced that love, especially going through my trials and tribulations with lupus. You feel as if you do not want to be a burden on that person but that person sometimes does not feel the same way.
There were so many times that I told my husband to leave me because of my sickness and he never left because his love was a love I could not comprehend. He genuinely loved me for me and not for my appearance or what I could do for him.
How it started...
In the beginning, he doubted the seriousness of my disease. Of course, who wouldn’t? Sometimes a spouse might feel as if you are overthinking it or overdoing it, but they don’t know. Just because it looks good on the outside, did not mean we weren’t going through it. He would tell me things like, “Babe stop. You are doing too much.” Until I literally started to deteriorate in front of his eyes. He cried because he felt as if he could not do anything and he couldn’t. I would be inflicted with so much pain and my being in and out the hospitals hurt him. The thought of someone going through something and all they could do is to sit there could be very hurtful for that person.
My spouse always had my back
One thing I loved about my husband is that he never made me feel like a burden, I felt that way all on my own. He never made me feel like I was not good enough or was not worthy. I had those emotions on my own. My husband would never leave my side through anything that I had gone through.
When I faced one of the biggest challenges that made me lose my identity, I didn’t know how much I needed him around. Discoid lupus is when lupus affects the skin causing lesions that look almost as third-degree burns. I lost myself. But I didn’t know I needed him because he would tell me how beautiful I was and his love never changed for me. No matter how worse the flare was or how bad the stares were in public, he defended and loved me. We would be in public and women would look at him as to ask why was he with me. At the time, I didn’t know until he made me realize that he didn’t marry me for my appearance.
Our intimacy is strong
Our love was not based on sex either and he made that very clear. There were times when I thought that was another reason he would leave me. But he reassured me that sex does not make the marriage. The love we have for each other does.
His love went so much further than us having sex. He would just want to hold me and make sure I was okay. He reassured me that he would wait and I was the only woman he desired. I needed to feel that going through all my insecurities. Even when social media asked me how I knew that he wasn’t cheating, I would simply say, “Because this is a man that never leaves my side, day and night. He could choose not to be around; be frustrated and tired of me being sick, but he is not. He is one of my biggest support systems and I never doubted him. He never gave me a reason to.”
My spouse is my best support system
When you are with someone and have an autoimmune disease, you tend to learn to block out negative comments from strangers, friends, or family. As long as you remember what you guys got together for and stick to it, it should never go wrong. Knowing yourself and your spouse can get your love life very far. Just to see you get healthy and your spouse is way happier than you can make you even happier.
I have been married for 8 years and it’s the best feeling that I could ever have. That support is one of the best supports to have and even my family loves him for it. They sometimes call him the definition of a real man.
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