Tell us about your experiences with weight management. Take our survey!

GENERIC VERSION OF: six faces of the same woman showing a range of emotions: Scared asleep worried in pain, agony, irritation, misery, discomfort, complacent, happy, apprehension, concern, doubt, fear, misery, vexation, anesthesia, surprise

Accepting Lupus After Your Mourning Period

Being diagnosed with lupus was probably one of most difficult moments you have had to deal with. You most likely had a whirlwind of emotions and negative thoughts. In all probability, in that very moment of diagnosis, you developed a fear of your demise for a disease that you knew nothing about. All of these emotions conjured up likely made you fearful to live. Meanwhile, you began the ride of your life as you dealt with the many lupus issues.

As you lived past lupus day to day, you began to go through phases of mourning your old self as the new you, battling lupus, emerged.

Phases of lupus mourning

Upon your lupus diagnosis to your present-day fight, you have dealt with some mourning phases. Similarly, to the mourning of someone you lost, these phases can include denial, sadness, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally a form of acceptance. Let’s take a look at each one in detail.


We all go through the denial phase. We claim the doctors have no clue what they are talking about. Even though we have seen every specialist and every blood test was taken over 20 times. We still don’t believe we have a life-altering illness. We resolve that we don’t even know if it’s a real disease since no one has ever heard of it in our circle.


That denial turns into sadness. You begin to think about all that can happen to you as you try and live with lupus. Sadness consumes you as you go to doctor appointments. All of the “sit and wait” moments tear at you emotionally. Above all, it's draining having to deal with so many new issues.


That sadness turns to anger. "Why is this happening to me? This is so unfair! I hate my life and I hate every doctor that confirms that I have this stupid disease." In addition, you are angered that you were chosen to get this horrible illness.


After you calm down, your anger turns into bargaining chips. You pray, "God, what did I do to deserve this? Whatever I did, I am so sorry. If you get rid of lupus, I promise to be the best person, I'll eat well, I won't smoke or drink. I'll be good to everyone I meet."


I can’t do this. I can’t live like this. I'm so tired daily. I don’t want to talk to anyone. My life has no meaning. No one understands. I can’t take it! I cry myself to sleep every night. This is so hard to deal with.


I was so out of it yesterday. But, today is a better day. I feel somewhat like myself. WOW, maybe I can get through it all if I take it a moment at a time. You exclaim boldly, “I have lupus, lupus does not have me!”

Allow yourself to feel without shame

In conclusion, everyone will go through the phases of mourning. They will occur frequently in your lupus journey. Therefore, it’s so important to recognize the phases. Allow yourself to go through them all and get acceptance. This will help you to live well beyond lupus.

By providing your email address, you are agreeing to our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

Join the conversation

Please read our rules before commenting.