A person with a saw cuts another's insensitive dialogue bubble in half.

Things I am Tired of People Saying Because I Have a Chronic Illness

There are so many things that I am tired of saying because of my autoimmune disease.

Spousal support

Most of it relates to spousal support. There have been times when people told me I should be "so grateful to have a partner" the way that I have. Honestly, that is completely offensive at times. I am my own person with or without lupus. People need to realize they might not have an autoimmune disease, but they are not perfect either. Everyone has flaws that they feel someone should accept. Why should someone have to accept mistreatment? The saddest thing is it is not your spouse saying it. My spouse hates when people tell me that because he has known me before my autoimmune disease arose.

Lupus pain versus age

Another thing I hate is when someone goes back and forth with me about a handicapped sticker. NOT EVERY DISABILITY IS VISIBLE. Why does everyone think that someone with a handicapped sticker has to look visibly disabled? No, it does not work that way. A handicapped sticker can be administered for many reasons and mine is one of them. To my surprise, my dermatologist prescribed it for me because he believed the quicker I can run my errands, get home, and stay inside would be the better for me and my health. My other doctors agreed with it also because of my health circumstances. There are times when I cannot walk that long. That is totally true. People do associate pain with age at times. Just because we are young in others' eyes, they think we might not have even endured pain yet, which is ridiculous.

"But you do not look sick"

Another thing I hate for people to say is: "You do not look sick." How does a sick person look? Baggy eyes, swollen legs, skin rashes, crutches, a hospital bed? I mean, how does a disabled person look in the real world? In everyone's eyes, how does being sick look? 'Cause, when we do look sick we look disgusting in most people's eyes. People judge us on our appearance. They say such mean things with the lack of education and that can be a hurtful thing for people dealing with disabilities. Everywhere we go, we are judged off appearances. I have had experiences where I met doctors that saw the way I was dressed and wouldn’t give me the time of day. That would sometimes be tragic to one’s health.

Pregnancy with lupus

The last thing I would love to touch base on is pregnancy and what people say. People would say things like, “Why would you bring a baby into this world knowing you are going to die?” I mean really, the world we live in really does not have a filter. It's so weird for people to try to judge and dictate your life on a daily basis. I have had people tell me that they feel sorry for my child – that I would do this to my child. When some don’t understand that some doctors will actually say you could have kids, they just want to chose when. They want your body to be on track before you decide to have a child. I understand that part completely, but the negative opinions from society can be ridiculous.

Do you experience judgments from others based on your appearance or accommodations? Share in the comments below.

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