Lupus, Depression, and Stress: How I Fought My Lowest Point

The last few months have been HARD! Not just physically, but mentally, emotionally, and financially. My anxiety and depression have been out of control, and getting out of bed has been an everyday battle. It seems like the stress is never-ending. But there has been a LOT going on behind the scenes. And we know stress and mental health can impact lupus.

I’m not sure I could even list out all the things that have contributed to the never-ending depression. But I’ve tried all kinds of things to help treat it. The best thing I did was get back into therapy. I think I started seeing my current therapist in early fall and was doing well seeing him every 2 weeks. But then, due to conflicting schedules and him being booked, I was unable to see him for about 6 weeks.

My Lowest Point

I got pretty low during this time. That was probably one of the lowest times I’ve ever had. Let me say this first: I was NEVER suicidal. I NEVER had a plan. That said, I remember starting to think that maybe it’s all too much. Maybe the stress and the feelings were just too much. I remember thinking and asking myself if I even wanted to continue being here?

Then I reminded myself that if I didn’t, I would miss big things. Like my sister getting married.  One day, having a niece or nephew. All the good parts of life. Don’t let me pretend that telling myself those things suddenly made me happy and no longer depressed. Because it didn’t. I was still depressed.

So let’s talk about things that contributed to this awful low. Along with things my therapist suggested to help. And might one day impact or help another person.

The Winter 

Winter is always hard for me, and many others. I can’t get outside and do things like I can when it’s warm. I have undiagnosed Raynaud's, so the cold is just hard. I also get sick constantly in the winter. Also the fact that it is dark so early. It’s just depressing.

Therapist Suggestion:

Get outside at least 15 minutes a day. Even if that is getting in your car and going for a ride. Just get out of your home and get outside. Getting Vitamin D is good for those with lupus in any form.

Family Stress:

The nurse at my Grandma's memory care called us at 11 pm, saying they were sending her to the ER. She fell, and they were pretty positive that she broke her hip. She ended up breaking her hip, pelvis in 2 places, and her tailbone.  Had to have surgery on her hip. Then had to have another surgery after getting out of rehab for another issue. She has fallen again and been taken back to the ER. She was thankfully fine. But it has been a lot.  The stress on my body was a lot and led to a big flare. And I didn’t even deal with sitting with her. My mom did that a lot. However, it was still stressful.

Therapist Suggestion:

Journal, journal, journal! He and I had talked about how, historically, journaling really helps me deal with things. It helps me process and get things out of my head. So it’s not something I’m constantly thinking about. Because I’m so bad at sticking to journaling, he suggested setting a timer and just writing down all I could in those 5 minutes (or however long).

Financial stress

I’m not going to go into great detail about this stressor because it’s not really important. What is important is that most people with chronic illnesses will have, or are dealing with, some form of financial stress. I am no different. I am so grateful that I get my monthly disability check. But let’s be honest, in this economy, it’s not nearly enough to live on solely. So I had to use credit for a while, and it got out of hand. I am also very stubborn and hate to ask for help! I know I’m not alone in this.

Therapist Suggestion:

DON'T BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP! Talk to your family.  Which I did, and I will actually be moving back to my parents. Which I’m not thrilled with. Because who wants to do that at 40? But I’m also just grateful that I have family willing to help.

I’m now seeing my therapist weekly and doing better. If you aren’t seeing a therapist of some kind but struggle with anything mentally, I highly recommend it!