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Too Tired Today

I am a mom to 7 humans. Three that are under 13 years old. One has Down syndrome. He has the mind of a 3-year-old, is non-verbal, and is very heavy. I have to care for him in every way still.

When it rains, it pours...

I was diagnosed with Lupus in December of 2020. That was the worst year of my life. I'm 46. I had pneumonia, 2 months later I caught influenza, and 2 months after that I caught covid 19. When I went to the doctor months later it was because I put on 50 lbs. I slept all day. I couldn't keep my eyes open. I was in pain everywhere. From my ears to my big toe. Just pain. No energy. Restless legs. Dizzy and blurred vision. So when doctor said I had Lupus, now came all the pain pills. I also have hypertension. So I take meds for that also.

I don't look sick...but I feel it

I feel like a fraud, I look in the mirror and I don't look sick. But my body is always in pain. I feel like some days I want to clean the house really well, listen to music! The next day, I'm in bed because I feel like I was hit by a truck. I have 2 grandsons, one is a toddler. I love him so much he looks just like my son. But playing with that little guy for one week while visiting him, boy I retired to my bed and didn't move about for 4 days. But I loved every minute I spent chasing, bending, lifting, swinging him around.

Feeling like a battery losing voltage

I have been overweight my whole life, but I always had energy to run after my kids, play with them, sing and dance with them. It was a wonderful feeling. One that I was unappreciative of. I took for granted all the vibrance, and energy I had in the morning. I felt like I would never run low. But now I am like a battery losing its voltage. Looking back at all the things, errands, and tasks I used to do. I would give anything If I could have that vibrant energy back. With all the medications I take daily, I'm still in pain. I feel my memory slipping away. Unable to think of the words when I speak. The doctor says its brain fog. At the age of 46 I am too tired. "I'm sorry, not today." I'm too tired should be my new name.

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