The Power of Taming Your Inner Critic

A lupus diagnosis is a life-altering event. It's common to experience a rollercoaster of emotions. Emotions like fear, anxiety, grief, and guilt can all come flooding in. These emotions, while valid, can be incredibly debilitating if left unchecked. Learning to combat these feelings has been a crucial step on my lupus journey. Essentially it has empowered me to take back control of my life beyond lupus.  I have done this with specific action steps.

Understanding the grip of fear

Fear was the first emotion to take hold of me after my lupus diagnosis. I was afraid of the unknown. Afraid of what the future held. Fearful of how the disease was going to progress. I was even afraid about how it would impact my family. This fear manifested in various ways. That fear went from difficulty making decisions to social withdrawal.

Action step

I made it a point to educate myself about lupus. Reliable sources like the Lupus Foundation of America provided important information. I was able to learn about treatment options, potential complications, and ways to manage the disease. For me, knowledge is power, and understanding lupus lessened the fear of the unknown.

Taming the anxious monster

Anxiety was the second emotion to slap me in the face. I found myself constantly worrying about symptoms, doctor appointments, or flare-ups. This constant state of worry was mentally and physically draining.

Action step

I learned relaxation techniques. Mindfulness meditation, deep breathing exercises, and progressive muscle relaxation are always helpful in managing my anxiety. There are many guided meditations readily available online for anyone to try.

Grieving the life I knew

Lupus has forced me to confront limitations. In fact, being an athlete all my life there were limitations I did not anticipate. This led me to a deep sense of grief for the life I envisioned for myself. I still grieve my ability to participate in certain activities. Equally I longed for my old energy levels and even my sense of self. Whew, just writing that out has conjured up those feeling all over again.

Action Step

I had to learn to allow myself to grieve. Since, bottling up my emotions only made it worse, therapy became my saving grace. And starting my support group has helped with talking through feelings to others that understand. Journaling has also been a helpful outlet for processing my grief.

Letting go of guilt

Guilt was the third and final emotion for me on this lupus journey. I felt guilty about needing to rely on others. Then I felt guilty for canceling plans. Furthermore, I felt guilty for not being able to fulfill my usual obligations. This guilt oftentimes prevented me from seeking the help and support I needed. Sigh, I still battle with some guilt every now and again.

Action step

When I learned to practice self-compassion, it really made a difference. Moreover, I have to remind myself that lupus is a chronic illness. Furthermore, it's not my fault. Understanding that this is all new and that I am doing the best I can under the circumstances was key. It took letting go of the idea that I need to be everything to everyone. As a result, I realized that it is okay to ask for help. I also began to understand that it was okay not to be okay.

I’m not alone

For me, combatting fear, anxiety, grief, and guilt is an ongoing process. Above all, I know there will be good days and bad days. But by taking action steps to manage these emotions, I have found I’m able to take back control of my life and live well beyond lupus.

Here’s a gentle remember, not just for you but for me too.  We are not alone on this journey. There are so many resources available to support you. including the Lupus Foundation of America, my lupus support group Lupus In Color, and mental health and counseling professionals. Altogether, with the right tools and support system, we can find the strength and resilience to live a fulfilling life despite this lupus diagnosis.