Give Yourself Permission for Self-Compassion
Last updated: July 2022
On my lupus journey, I feel like I am the hardest on myself. Do you ever feel like you have to be perfect in your lupus journey no matter what you are going through? It’s like I beat myself up for things I have no control over. For fear that I may lose myself, I get angry when I can’t do what I used to. Then, I get upset because I’m angry. In other words, it became a never-ending cycle of negative bombardments on me.
How did I get here?
It was a normal progression getting to this negative space. I was once a stellar athlete and all of a sudden, I wasn’t. I was rendered helpless and hopeless in a short time. It all happened so quickly. I didn’t have time to dig into this new diagnosis. During that time, I lost something within me. Something was stolen as I began to berate and say the meanest things to myself.
What did I lose within me from lupus?
Unlike any other time of struggle in my life, I lost compassion for myself. At the same time, my patience for myself dwindled. Not to mention I felt lost. I couldn’t figure it all out. So much was coming at me at one time. It became overwhelming and damaging to my spirit. I had to change my view of myself in my lupus journey. Although the journey was new, I was determined not to fall into a negative reaction.
Giving myself permission for self-compassion
Despite what I was feeling, I understood I had to give myself permission. Permission to mourn the loss of my old self. Permission to embrace the new me. Lupus pain beat me down quickly. I had to permit myself to feel that. In allowing those feeling to rise, I was able to address them. It was important to realize that the pain was temporary. This was extremely difficult then. It is still a struggle for me now. I specifically need to deal with my issues on a spiritual level to get through those tough moments. I had to learn to love myself beyond the pain and explicitly show myself compassion.
Bringing back compassion in my life
The dictionary defines compassion as sympathetic understanding. Self-compassion is understanding, positive acceptance, and love inwardly. Most times, I can show compassion to others. It's a difficult task when I need to show it to myself. I decided to do things that would help me bring self-compassion back.
Be kind to yourself on the lupus journey
I started with being kind to me. Changing how I spoke to myself in my toughest lupus moments. I consciously began to form words that would uplift me. I stopped speaking negativity into the moment and spoke life beyond it. In time I forgave my body for what I saw as a betrayal. I learned to permit myself to heal. Honestly, it is not a place that I reached. It’s a place I am forever walking through in my lupus journey.
In conclusion, it’s difficult to move past the pain of lupus. Moving to acceptance to live well beyond lupus is key. Although hard, it is doable and important in our lupus journeys. Today, be kind to you. Give yourself permission for self-compassion beyond lupus. This will help in your lupus journey. It will give you a sense of self-love to get through those difficult moments.
Have there been things you have learned along your lupus journey that you wish had been explained to you by a healthcare provider earlier?