Grief and Chronic Illness

When living with a chronic illness like lupus, intense emotional experiences like grief can have an impact on health. Just recently, I lost someone so dear and loving to me and it hurt - I cried for two days straight and ended up developing a really bad lupus flare up.

I lost my brother-in-law, and he was young and vibrant. He had a smile that brightened up everyone's day even when they were down and out. When my husband came home one morning while I was at work, I knew something was up. He told me to sit down, and told me the bad news - and it broke my heart. I cried my heart out. Even though my brother-in-law had cerebral palsy, he didn’t want anyone to notice it. He wanted to be treated and loved normally.

A trip to the hospital

Because of my flare-up, I had to go to the hospital where my brother-in-law passed. Everything was too much and I cried the whole time I was there and being checked out. I was in a really bad flare when it hurt to even wear clothes and it hurt to breathe, hurt to walk, hurt to talk. I gave up and gave in. The doctor was so worried that she got me fluids and steroids to help with the inflammation.

We started to go through the whole process of getting his burial ready, and that was a whole different type of hurt. I cried so much but I tried to make sure everything happened so smoothly. I planned his repass and helped with his program for the funeral. This was my husband's twin brother. This hit us hard, because the last 12 years I watched my husband take care of and love his brother unconditionally.

Overwhelming pain

I ended up experiencing really bad muscle spasms and being in a lot of pain. Skin rashes were all up and down my body. I was thinking that I will be okay but I wasn’t. Two nights I was in so much pain I couldn't do anything but stand still in the pain. When someone called me, I could not move because in that moment I was doing everything myself.

I decided I would deal with the consequences later because I loved both my husband and his brother. I made sure he was remembered in the right way, and my husband thanked me for that. But that pain did not make any sense. I was taking Tylenol and Benadryl plus my medication to help with everything that was going on.

Recognizing signs from your body

If you ever lose someone make sure you take care of yourself in the grieving process - because no one will understand those signs and situations better than you. I used to overdo things myself and end up in the hospital. But now I try to make sure that I take care of myself and place my health first no matter what.

We have to remember that life still goes on even with grief, and we still have to live no matter what. Especially for my family, since we have kids we can't stay down for too long. They won't understand and our jobs often will not either. But we continue to take our grief and loss day by day, and just try and keep the memories we have of him.