A woman chooses between staying at home or accepting a friend's invitation to go out, watching tv

It’s Okay To Have A Pity Party

Years ago something happened where I missed an event of some kind due to my health and lupus. I felt down in the dumps for far too long. So long that I was even annoyed with myself. So from that point on I decided two days a month was the MAX that I was allowing myself to have a pity party.

I’m not talking about being depressed, that’s different. I’m talking about self pity, wallowing, why me, poor me, eating ice cream from the carton, drinking wine from the bottle kind of pity party. That was about eight years ago, and I’ve stuck to it. I’m a bit embarrassed to admit it. But I just used my two days for the month recently.

Events with lupus


Recently, I saw that two of my ALL time favorite artists were coming close to home. Each time I jumped online and started looking at dates they would be here, then prices. Both artists' ticket prices were affordable, and I was thinking about what I would need to do monetarily to pay for the tickets. In my head I had that worked out. So I started thinking about who might want to go with me.

Then it hit me. “Amber, you can’t go to concerts anymore, what are you thinking!?” Somehow in my excitement to see these artists I forgot that concerts are no longer an option. For some others with lupus, I know they go to concerts all the time.  But for me. It’s just not possible.

I know I can’t be the only one that has had to stop something that they love due to their lupus for many different reasons. In this case for me, one of the concerts is in a big indoor arena.  Personally, I get sick if I walk by a bug. Being in a building with 25,000 of my closest friends bringing in every kind of bug doesn’t work.  I could and would wear a mask. But I would still get sick. That’s just the way it goes for me.


The other concert would be so much fun, it’s outside and my ticket would have been on the lawn. Where I could bring a blanket. It would have been the perfect setup. BUUUUUUT. It’s in the middle of July. And I live in the Southern Midwest and temps in mid-July are generally 90-100 degrees with heat indexes up to mid 110s. I don’t think I have to explain why this wouldn’t be a good idea. 

But I will say I can do a couple hours in the heat. My hint that I am over done is a headache. Once that hits I’m out. Then I’d just be annoyed I spent the money and didn’t get to see the artist's whole set.

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Searching for new ways to have fun

I think we have all dealt with this at some point.  Whether it was a vacation we couldn’t go on, or an “adventure” or “activity” we had to sit out that all our friends or family went on!

For some of us it goes deeper than that. We’ve been the good friend who goes to numerous baby showers, gender reveals, and first birthday parties. Until finally, either you just can’t put on a fake smile, or hold back tears. While putting your heart through another party you’ll never throw for yourself. Or your friends finally realize and just stop inviting you.

It’s just part of it! It’s one of my least favorite parts of living with lupus. But I know in the long run going to the indoor concert would just end up costing me more money in the end when I got sick.  While the outdoor concert I would have lost money, because chances are I wouldn’t have made it through the whole concert. Instead I’ll spend that money on something I’ll be able to fully enjoy, that won’t make me flare, or get me sick. 

Even if I did have my two day pity party.

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