Living Bravely

I have been thinking about a life well lived, and what that looks like with lupus always looming.

Where it all began

I was a law student when one of my professors stated to our class, “It’s time to accept failure as your new mode of learning.”

Shortly after my professor made that passing, mind-boggling (for me) statement, I became sick. Super sick. I took a leave of absence from law school.

Next came my lupus diagnosis and a slow road to finding a new way of living.

For me, it was not reasonable to maintain legal studies and manage my lupus. I realize there are people who can manage this. I was simply not one of them.

In other words, I tried law school. My body failed. I learned this was not the path for me.

Try, try, try again

I tried to return to teaching (the job I had before law school). My body failed. I learned it was not the path for me.

I tried volunteering. I could not be reliably consistent. Once again, I learned this was not the path for me.

Having my body fail me a few times, had given me the courage to fail in other ways.

I stayed home for the next three years. During my years in bed, I let my imagination run wild. I experimented with creative writing. I wrote stories of pirates, and child detectives. Not for public use, just for me.

I started teaching myself to draw. I had never advanced from stick people. I figured the worst I could do is be a terrible artist. I was no longer afraid to fail.

As my health started to stabilize, I started teaching online a couple of hours each week. I shared some stories and illustrations with my students. Stories of octopi with chicken pox, or vampire tea parties.

Taking it one day at a time

Today, my life looks nothing like I imagined when I was studying torts, business law and criminal procedure. I have learned that failing is okay.

I am having so much fun, creating and sharing silly stories with students, family and friends. Who knew?

The one gift that lupus has given me, is the courage to live bravely.

All of us live bravely just by facing each day with looming serious illnesses. We are brave to keep showing up to endless labs and doctors’ appointments. We are brave in our sobering understanding of how precious life is. We are brave in our ability to face our fears, our limitations, and our disappointments one day at a time.

How about you? In what ways, has lupus given you the courage to live bravely?