Lupus Is Killing Me

Last updated: May 2022

I was officially diagnosed only about a year ago. My Mother-RIP-also suffered & lost her battle with this devastating disease.

Struggling with self-esteem

I believe I have been suffering for Lupus for many years. The thinning of my hair and the problems with my skin have destroyed any self-esteem I ever had. If my skin wasn't so disgusting looking; I would love to just go ahead and shave my head completely. My mental health is drastically getting worse. The constant fatigue and pain have me to the point of being in tears, just taking a regular shower. I am extremely heat sensitive. And now I only leave my house when I have to.

Thankful for my loved ones

I'm lucky to have a wonderful neighbor that goes out to get groceries and other things for me. I also have Fibromyalgia-which my Mother did as well. I feel like I'm losing this battle. But I don't want to give up; because I am blessed with 2 amazing kids. My daughter is married and in process of being able to adopt a newborn girl. My son is a teenager & I am lucky to have them both. The fact that he still lives with me, gives me the motivation to keep fighting. But I hate him seeing me suffer so much. I have a seizure disorder also. And just feel that I am a burden.

Fighting through the hardest days

I am trying desperately to hang on & not give up the fight; like my Mother did. She took her life. I am consumed with the guilt of not being able to save her. I can not have suicide be a family legacy so to speak. Brain fog is also infuriating. I used to be very outgoing and always making people smile. Lupus has destroyed the person I used to be. That's plenty of negativity for now. I'm sorry, but these past 3 days have been a living nightmare. Some days are better than others. If the sun comes up tomorrow; I will fight through another day.

Editor's note: Feelings of depression can often occur when living with lupus. If you, or someone you know, is struggling with thoughts of suicide or self-harm, please know there are many resources available for support including the the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255) and online chat.

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