Burden of just existing
I was diagnosed with lupus when I was 11 years old, even before the diagnosis, I suffered from disease symptoms for almost a year. Throughout that year, I was terribly bullied in my school; then, I was hospitalized as my condition worsened.
Financial toll
This took a toll on my family's financial position, we almost went bankrupt, in addition to the financial crisis, my medications cost half of the family's monthly income. This situation showed the true colors of the so-called well-wishers. I had to pause school to take care of my physical and mental health. I didn't know what happened to me, my parents were caring but couldn't give the answers I wanted, I grew up watching my parents stressing themselves to find the money. I felt and still feel that I am responsible for this.
Emotional toll
I am currently pursuing physical therapy to help myself and people like me, but I feel I am not serving justice to my patients. I feel too helpless and lost most of the time. I always feel like I am not worthy of love and affection, even in terms of looking for a partner, I feel like I am trapping them in a lifelong responsibility. Even after a decade+ and learning about the disease through medical school, I still feel like a burden to anyone. Although my parents are supportive, I know that I can't rely on them forever. I so badly wanna be normal... I am healing .... but I wish to be healed
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