A New Journey

I don't know if I shared my story when I signed up in 2021. If I did, since so much has changed and so much is different and has been added or taken away, I figured, "hey, it wouldn't hurt." Especially after reading the happy, upbeat, positive crap I wrote back then, so here goes.

Feeling overwhelmed

I have Lupus and it took forever to get a diagnosis. Dealing with all the glory accompanied with Lupus was overwhelming with 3 kids, a husband, a job and, well, life. But I did it and managed (maybe not well at times). I got by then... fast forward to February 2022.

More complications

I after cleaning my entire house, I sat down on my couch. It was 9:30 pm, I lit a cigarette and began puking huge quantities of bright red blood. I didn't need my nursing degree to know this was an emergency. My son drove me to the hospital and this began my path of terror, leading to today. A night terror of cosmic proportions that I hope ends. I literally want off this rock now.

Searching for contentment

The entire top of my stomach just decided to split open for no reason and it began my hell. This led to so many tests, surgeries, a colon cancer diagnosis, a colostomy and months of therapy in a nursing home just to return to my house trashed by my family. I'm facing a year or more of chemo, surgeries, procedures, medicine and more problems than are fathomable by any human. So I sit here hoping everyday I don't wake up. Then I do and am in a last ditch effort to live any existence that may contribute a smile, a friend, any hope of just contentment. No more, no less.

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