A lupus caregiver holds up a board to bridge the gap between steps as a woman in high heels steps onto it.

Interviewing My Husband

Sometimes it's best to know other people's opinion of you and to know the support you have. I had to see another perspective of me. Have you ever wondered what people said and thought about you? I did so I decided to interview my husband. Here were his wonderful responses:

Lupus community advocate, Jokiva Bellard, and her husband

Describe your role as a care partner for someone living with lupus.

My role as a care partner in your life is to be your husband, soulmate, companion, caregiver, and more. When I married you I signed on for better or for worse and we have already been through thick and thin. I will make you feel beautiful when you have doubts. I will take care of you when your sick and never leave your side I will make you feel as loved and important as when I first met you.

How do you feel about this condition and its effect on our life?

I honestly hate lupus for you and myself as the person who has to watch you be in constant pain all the time and I could not help you. It hurt me in many ways that the woman I love I cannot protect. This disease is not a person – it's a condition. It has affected our life tremendously to where it was hard for us to get back on our feet. It strips everything from you and you have to fight to get it back.

Do I ever surprise you with how I cope?

Every single day and every day that you were in the hospital. It amazes me how you wake up and still deal with the pain you go through even when you don't feel like getting up. You make pain look so beautiful and I loved how you always kept me pushing even when you felt as if you could not move forward. You have blessed me with a beautiful daughter and you coped with your pregnancy so well.

What are 3 wishes you have for me?

  1. I wish that you become the person you want to be in life.
  2. That you can vacation anywhere you want with me and Ava.
  3. That you always push forth and commit to your dreams.

What frustrates you more about my lupus?

What frustrates me more about your lupus is that it comes unsuspected and it happens when you decide to get your life on track. It annoys me how you would feel good one day and then feel completely comfortable and then the next your sick. It holds you back and prevents you from achieving your goals in life. Sometimes I hate how insecure it makes you because you're gorgeous to me. I wish that you will know that about yourself.

How do you react when I am in the hospital?

I get upset because sometimes they won't listen to you. Sometimes a patient knows their health background and history and the time you spent learning your condition you just be wanting your doctors to listen to you. Sometimes I see/hear the doctors not really care about your opinion or you question their reasonings for the treatments they present and you guys will argue and I will step in and defend for you because you are in the hospital to get better not stress and get worse.

What kind of support do you need?

I do not need any support but the love that you give me. I will support you with anything that you need and want.

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