Not Giving Up!

Editor’s note: Content warning – This article includes experiences with self-harm and suicidal thoughts and behavior.

What should people with lupus know when they feel like they’ve tried everything in the book? When you feel like you have done everything in the book, you just stand. Stand on wisdom and life itself.

There were times I stopped and realized that someone cares about me. If family does not care about you, I’m sure there is a friend that does care about you and your well-being. Sometimes, I would sit there and take it a day at a time. You are not perfect but just know that no one is. Life is worth it even If the world we live in is ridiculous.

I live for my daughter

There were times that I slipped into thoughts of suicide. Suicidal minds are real. I would cut myself, pop pills just to overdose, think about driving off the bridge at the spur of the moment, just because I feel like giving up sometimes. Call me crazy or over-sensitive, but it has affected me more than I ever expected. I lost so many people due to suicide because people do not take the condition seriously. When I hit those moments and did not succeed it made me feel even worse. Sometimes you feel like you don’t have the support of others to help you understand what you're going through and that they are not alone.

I am a very sensitive and emotional person. So I have my moments. Now that I have my daughter, I live for her. She keeps me motivated and wanting to do better.

Seeking support for emotions

I know some people may say that there is a hotline. There is one but sometimes people want someone near them. That’s why they contact a friend or a family member they feel comfortable with. The for that person to not have the support they need is very traumatizing to someone. Where can someone turn in the time of need? It would be dope to have someone they could call on a regular basis to stop them from making those bad decisions and that goes to play in your support system. How good and big is your support system. I promised myself and my daughter that I would always be that support system for her no matter what. I would always trust and believe in my child so she can feel as if she can really express herself to me.

Many stay silent on the feelings of being judged and I am here to say that anyone would judge you regardless. It's that love you need to gain back for yourself. You need to realize that love never left. Your original self never left, it is just locked in a box waiting to feel loved, warmed, and accepted again. So when you feel like you are about to give up, do things such as getting a journal, cooking, writing poems, painting, and anything that makes good self-expression. It’s a good outlet and a great coping mechanism that I would always use for myself even when I am feeling down and out.

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