Cruel Judgement From Doctors
Last updated: August 2023
Sometimes it’s good to talk to your doctors if they will take the time to understand your story. In the past, I've had doctors who tended to be brutally honest about my condition but had bad bedside manner. It’s times like these I decide whether I can completely open up to my doctor about my mental state and well being.
It's good to have that open relationship with your doctors where everything can be put on the table and they respect your feelings. They didn’t understand that putting me down when I opened up had set off one of my emotions of being depressed as well.
Doctors should acknowledge feelings
Why doesn't a doctor acknowledge your feelings? I feel like the doctor will forever look at things from a scientific perspective, which can cause the patient and the doctor to have different opinions, especially if the patient is religious.
Going through a medical mystery is very different from what you see on television. Growing up, I used to watch TV shows like "House" and "Grey's Anatomy." Lupus was mentioned multiple times but taught less within the medical system. When watching these shows, everything could have been due to lupus that brought awareness. But, it's only about a paragraph in medical books.
This might cause people living with lupus to feel like test subjects. Doctors might say that we don’t take our conditions seriously, when in reality, it’s just that we don’t want to be stuffing our bodies with all these different intense medications. I have had 4 different chemo infusions within my body, and did not want to try a new one due to feeling like my body would be overwhelmed.
Doctors have said statements like, "Wouldn’t you like to be there for your children and family? Then, you might want to implement this medication to survive." In my opinion, that is the doctor pressuring the patient to do something that they do not want to do. This caused me to block my doctor out and stop listening to her because she was not listening to me.
Advocate for yourself
It is best to advocate for yourself. If your doctors do not want to listen, trust me, they can be replaced. Just because your specialized doctor might not have many of them does not mean you have to settle. How far are you willing to travel for proper care? I know I am willing to drive a distance to make sure I am taken care of mentally and emotionally.
I met this woman who was a doctor and she asked, "Why don’t you guys go to your doctors and tell them about your mental state and your feelings?" The first thing is no one wants to be looked at as if they are crazy and being judged. Sometimes, fear overrides conversation. No one wants to be considered a psych patient. Even when they are looking at you, it can feel like they are not listening to you at all. So, you become silent and resistant to some things doctors do and say. Then, when a good one comes along, you are ignorant to the fact that they could be a good doctor. So, just remember that there are some great doctors out there. Some people can be mean but it is not your fault.
Have there been things you have learned along your lupus journey that you wish had been explained to you by a healthcare provider earlier?